I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
