i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
