every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
