i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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