There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
