Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
