No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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