I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
