I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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