I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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