Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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