I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
