Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
