i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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