Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
