you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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