some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
