I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
