I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
