Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
