Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
