U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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