Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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