I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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