WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
