I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
