So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
