I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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