Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
