wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
