he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
