tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
