today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Enjoy the penises
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
