I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
