Just fell off a train. Bad.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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