oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
worst night to have a conscience
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
