i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
