yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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