Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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