this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
