The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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