Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I did not marry a roomba.
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