She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
