new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
