i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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