I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
