so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
