New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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