I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
