I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
