in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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